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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Medals of Horror


Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo has been hailed as a champion in the fight for the preservation of human rights by the Universidad de Alcala de Henares during her recent visit to Spain where she took in her entourage about 40 legislators, their lezbo/homo lovers, sons and daughters, sweethearts, spouses, etc., which many people claim were charged to the pockets of the Filipino taxpayer.

But that was adding insult to injury, and definitely it was way too stupid for the shameless school officials not to know that there exists rapporteur Philip Alston's report to the UN about the government's complicity in in human rights violations in the country, and worse, state-sponsored extrajudicial killings of about 800+ activists, priests, and NGO workers by government agents.

But that is not the end of it. There are similar upcoming awards for Gloria prepared by her Ambassadors:

1. Maire honorifique de Pussy (Honorary Mayor of Pussy)

Pussy is a small village in the commune of La Léchère, Savoie, Rhône-Alpes, France. Aside from the symbolic key, she will be given a huge, panoramic photo of Pussy, courtesy of Penthouse Magazine.

2. Fucking Tochter (Fucking Daughter)

Fucking is a village in Tarsdorf, Innviertel Region, Austria. Fucking is 30 mins. away from Petting, a border town of Bavaria in Germany, and an hour away from Kissing, a municipality in the Aichach-Friedberg district also in Bavaria. A gold medallion with her profile specially-coined by the Fucking Bank will be awarded in the Fucking Plaza upon her scheduled visit by the Fucking Mayor. Free transport will be provided via the old route: Kissing -> Petting -> Fucking.

3. Hell's Englen (Hell's Angel) Levetid Prestasjon Premien (Lifetime Achievement Award)

Again, like Universidad de Alcala de Henares, her "Outstanding Commitment to the Preservation of Human Rights" as the inscription was carved in a bronze bust, will be presented to Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo on Christmas Day by the sculptor, no less.

The life-size masterpiece called "Hell's Angel" was done by renowned sculptor Satan Claus who is a genuine descendant of the Christmas figure who migrated from Finland (and built his tribe in Hell, a village in Stjørdal, Norway). Due to previous commitments, Gloria cannot personally accept the award but has asked her spouse to meet with Satan in Hell to receive it.

4. Полушелковая ткань с шерстью , Наш Гордый Усыновленный Дочь (Shitka: Gloria, Our Proud Adopted Daughter)

Shitka, a city, in Irkutskaya Oblast, Russia in conferring an award to Gloria for her being resolute in her anti-corruption crusade. Her work was acknowledged as she has shown dedication to pursue grafters and the corrupt in her administration by creating a task force every time a large scandal rocks her government. Her commitment has finally hauled in a big fish, a former President at that, but Shitka's residents have not been informed that he was pardoned. Her government's huge budget for these efforts was considered foremost in selecting this year's winner. The government has so far convicted three people since she took power in 2001.

The unveiling of the cenotaph in Shitka's Krook Memorial, which is carved in a black monolith will be witnessed by the Philippine Ambassador to Russia who will clap to chants of "Shitka! Gloria!", as dictated by tradition.

5. Crookstown's Best

The village of Crookstown in Cork, Ireland is presenting Gloria a Gold Medal for the economic miracle she has achieved for her country.

Referring to "manufacturing figures" as the top criterion, this town known originally for its brand of "Irish pun" has bestowed awards in the past for West African Presidents of Togo and Benin, which are both being elevated to the Hall of Fame for winning the award five for times. Insiders say that Gloria will be next year's runaway sole winner.

More awards next year

There are other awards that our ambassadors have announced that have been inspired by the Medalla de Oro given to Gloria just recently by Universidad de Alcala de Henares in Spain, for her meritorious championing of Human Rights. Mostly selected by Mayors and City/Town Councils, the following have expressed their intention and formally invited the Awardee and her hundred-plus entourage to attend the corresponding ceremonies:

- Nakao, the main island of the southernmost Japanese island group, represented by their governor - for government transparency.

- Slut, a city in Vasterbotten, Sweden represented by City Council - will award the Top Slut for outstanding leaders in foreign affairs

- Crap, in Tirane, Albania represented by the Crap Press Club President - will award The Best of Crap for the best-written speeches related to freedom of speech and of the press.

- Colegio de Feces de Abaixo (College of Lower Feces) in Galiza, Spain - honorary degree, Master of Pubic Administration

- Shit, in Mazandaran, Iran represented by the Tehran Press Club - plaque for winning Shit's Finest, an award similar to Crap

- Bollock, Sultan Kudarat, Philippines represented by school superintendent for public schools - to present the headdress for Anak ng Bollock, honorary tribal royalty ornament for her creativity in solving the classroom shortage in the country

After all these medals and plaques, she will undoubtedly beat Marcos, nah, even a Christmas Tree in terms of decoration!


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17 Comments:

At 9:27 PM, December 11, 2007, Blogger mschumey07 said...

A yes, the more the many-er. Then we can now put FVR's Expo to good use. We can showcase Gloria and her medals during Christmas, and we just might win the shortest Christmas tree in the world.

 
At 4:04 AM, December 12, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grabe ka, Tongue.

Ha!Ha!Ha!

You are so being monitored by the Pidals, hala ka!

Chi

 
At 6:28 AM, December 12, 2007, Blogger AdB said...

How did you do that -- real horrific engraving.

 
At 6:29 AM, December 12, 2007, Blogger AdB said...

There is a village in the south west of France called Patay (pronounced in French paté)... you might want to add that -- with something appropriate remark -- to your list of awards.

 
At 7:54 AM, December 12, 2007, Blogger Tongue's Wrath said...

Guys,
Tutal, gaguhan na rin lang ang laban, makiki-gago na rin tayo. That medal was Photoshopped from a picture I got from flickr which I embossed. I did the tricolor ribbon with Imagestyler and presto!

BTW, if you care to Google the places I mentioned, you will be surprised that they do exist! In fact, I have a very long collection which I posted in my old website.

 
At 9:43 AM, December 12, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will you have Medals of Horror part 2? Can't wait.

heheheheh, talaga!

Sige, I'll google the places na.

Chi

 
At 11:05 AM, January 14, 2008, Anonymous cathy said...

hahz i like your humor :P

 
At 3:33 PM, January 20, 2008, Blogger stuart-santiago said...

hey tongue, miss you na ;)

 
At 8:18 AM, January 21, 2008, Blogger Tongue's Wrath said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 8:20 AM, January 21, 2008, Blogger Tongue's Wrath said...

Cathy,
Really? Thanks. But many aren't laughing.

(Welcome to the blog!)

*********************

Angela,
Well, been busy lately and I'm just back from vacation. I can't find time to post here. But I do submit comments in other blogs. Like yours!

I just posted one there today. It's kinda long, so for the effort, I think I will have to post it here, too. I'll quote you, would that be okay?

 
At 6:43 PM, February 19, 2008, Blogger Equalizer said...

Satire is the best weapon of the oppressed against the Powerful.

 
At 8:52 AM, February 23, 2008, Blogger Tongue's Wrath said...

Or better yet, a sniper's bullet.

 
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